Life is a Big Q and A by valmg

One of my coworkers recently started dating again after many years. Here’s a list of tips that all the girls in the office came up with for her.

• Shave the pits
• Wear a long shirt he’ll never notice that you didn’t shave your legs
• Be honest, don’t be misleading
• Let the man talk too
• Enjoy the conversation
• Bring some cash
• Use good table manners, not his shirt
• Don’t stare at his unibrow
• Don’t diagnosis his moles
• Don’t fart
• Don’t burp
• Don’t pick your teeth
• Don’t flash your breasts
• Don’t clip or bite your fingernails
• Don’t pick your nose
• Don’t compare him to your ex
• Don’t bring him home to meet Mom
• Don’t compare tattoos
• Don’t tease him by running your leg up his
• Don’t forget protection
• Don’t drink more than he does
• Don’t ask for the waiter’s number when he comes to bring the check.
• Don’t insist he takes a tic tac from you (“No, really…I don’t care if you’re a diabetic!”)
• Don’t point to a red mark on your arm and say “Does this look like ringworm to you?”
• Don’t tell him your parole officer insists you be home by 10.
• Don’t give him a rundown of your most recent bowel movements.
• Don’t talk all night about your cats…come on, don’t be the cat lady!
• Don’t tell him you can’t eat too much, your next date is waiting at the pizza place down the road.
• Don’t tell him you have to drink slowly, that’s the only way to fool the alcohol monitoring bracelet the judge ordered you to wear.
• Don’t say “I’d offer for you to come back to my place, but I’m not sure the department of health is done yet” After dinner is done
• Don’t drink too much, you don’t want to show him how much of a cheap date you really are